past.present.future

2009-12-28T16:08:00.002+08:00

Am I being bathetic?A little I guess?

Human, strange creatures. On one hand, dying to search for the Truth. Often, the desire blaze fervently in our hearts that we'll do anything to find the answer. But when the Truth is out and open, right in our faces...we crumble. We lament, we sulk, we cry, we can't handle the Truth. It hits us like a mallet, delivering a force, so strong that it breaks us into tiny pieces. The truth is...Truth is malicious,ugly, and unforgiving...so the next time you start searching high and low for it...ask yourself...are you ready for it?

I did not manage to catch Sherlocks and Avatar this week :( that was actually my aim for this week..wanted to make my day before I go back to my Prison Cell. Anyways, shall catch Avatar with my Platoon mates...and leave Sherlocks for NYE?

2009 is drawing to and end :( of course, its a tad too early to blog about how the year has been. But on impulse, here's a glimpse of what I wanna achieve in the coming 2010....

Material goods :)
1. Polaroid Camera
2. DSLR ( Canon EOS 50D,40D or D90 or D60)
3. Oven
4. Desktop
5. Queen Sized Bed
6. Hard Disk

Non-material/ Short,Long termed Goals:
1. Learn to drive ( prolly after ATECH 2 :(
2. Learn a Sport
3. Try out Body Waxing =x
4. Lose another 4 kg ( currently 69kg due to the Festive season)
5. Ensure that I'll be able to draw out 12k from my FD when i ORD ( in 13 mths time!!!)

2009-12-25T15:34:00.002+08:00

"Why bother chasing more? I have what I need..
What profits a man if he gains the whole world but loses his soul?"

Perhaps that's what my 2010 resolution will be, to be gratified, count my blessings to make peace with what I already have.

That aside, I had an indelible night yesterday, good company, good food, good music and best of all...gifts that made me feel so well loved by my lovely classmates. okay, I'm not being materialistic here but I was really ravished( they're soooo creative) and they definitely struck my heartstrings, seeing the amount of effort put into making the gifts.

You know, sometimes the Past is something you cannot let go off and sometimes the past is something that you will do anything to forget. Downhearted? a little...will I brawl? and mull over it? Not likely...kinda moving on. I do not wish to open that can of worms anymore nor do I wanna exhume the Past. Some things are better left alone for some time...

What is Happiness my friend? It's when you climb onto your bed,body screaming for rest, but yet, your Mind is still tingling with all the excitement and you tell yourself..How I wish everyday would be like today.

2009-11-08T17:36:00.003+08:00

There is always a way.

When things look like there is no way, there is a way, to survive the unsure, to do the impossible. There is always a way.Be inspired. In the face of impossible, be inspired.

Reluctance to blog, perhaps it's the very thought of booking in that makes me so nua. Was packing my room and chanced upon a photograph taken in my BMT days, with Plt 4 after our gruelling BIC. Attached with the photo was a note written by my PC. Reading it, memories flooded my mind- the good and the bad. Now that I'm a 8-mth soldier, things have changed. Acclimatized perhaps.

Sometimes, I feel unreal. ( I'm sorry, but my train of thought was disrupted. guess I'll stop here)

2009-09-20T21:59:00.004+08:00

I've been facing the computer since Derek and Tj left my house.

I hate such mundane life, one that is filled with "oh i know what's gonna happen next". You know they always say that you'll never get to re-live your youth and that all of us should live life to the fullest lest one day, we look back and sulk, wishing that we had been more adventurous, more cheeky, more romantic- moments that we can relish down memory lane.

Recently, I did a reality check and an astringent truth dawned upon me. It was as if i was zapped out of this mystical realm- a place where things were working my way, where simplicity ruminated in the deeds that I took on.

Initially, I wanted to be petty about it and attempted to create a big deal out of it. However, after a few sessions of self- propaganda, I let the matter off. All the joyous scenes became yet another figment of my imagination.

I think the Mind is a very powerful creation. Occasionally, it tosses crumbs of doubts at me, hoping that I'll get hooked on, lose focus on stuff that requires my attention and then it strike. It will proceed to sow unhealthy thoughts into my mind, planting catalysts, wishing that it will speed up the process of decomposition of whatever good things are there in my mind. ( wow! weird description but true!)

Aiya, enough off those nonsense.

I seriously misses my A'level days. Now, when i plug in my Ipod, I'll occasionally catch tunes that bring about waves of emotions, mostly memories that are etched with honey! I'll get flashbacks of myself mugging with the notes under my nose outside the Teachers' room...those late bus rides in 180 as it whizzed down Bukit Batok road...those late dinners that my mum specially kept for me...and then nights when i feel asleep with the lights on and the notes slightly damp because of my saliva...those mornings when I woke up and told myself that today is a brand new battle and there are also those mornings when I woke up but pretended that I was dead knowing that A's draw near...Oh yah..and those panic attacks I got when I cannot solve simple Math questions( it felt as though my pee will spurt out any min)...sigh...

On an ending note...it has been a long time since i was down..I ain't sure what's happening but...guess its just another valley of shadow that I must conquer..wish me luck then!

2009-08-23T21:47:00.002+08:00

If you hide long enough behind a curtain of bluff and principle, people stop trying to find out who you are in the first place.

You know, at some point of your life, you have to take stock of the people that are significant in your life. You then need to evaluate, and think through, if you have spent quality time with every individual in that VIP list. As always, I will drill my mind to register this basic fact of life: not all good wills/actions will be reciprocated. Hence, putting the cliche phrase, " treat others the way you want to be treated" to shame, debunking this myth that millions of people have embraced.

I believe I'm going through the valley of shadows right now. Despite the fact that money is the root of all evil, i think that its sole existence solves all problems, how ironic.

I'm 19 and my future is bleak because my mother cannot afford my University fee. To add on to the problem, I've a father( a white elephant) that is heavily dependant on my mother and a brother that doesn't bring home income. GREAT right.

So to all the Christians out there, maybe in your Sunday service, you might wanna pray to your Abba Father to drop some cash into my bank? Tell Jesus that after all, I was once his son, his brother, wadever. okay?

2009-08-17T10:24:00.000+08:00

I make Friendship a complicated affair.

A cauldron of emotions.

2009-08-08T00:43:00.001+08:00

The only way to get rid of the Shadow is to turn off the lights. To stop running from the Darkness and face what you fear, head on.

2009-08-08T00:25:00.002+08:00

It does not matter how tough we are, Trauma always leaves a scar.

They follow us home, change our lives.

Trauma messes everything up.....

But maybe that's the point. All the pain, all the fear and crap, maybe going through all that is what keep us moving forward, that's what pushes us.

Maybe we all need to get a little messed up...before we can step up, my friend.

2009-08-02T00:29:00.002+08:00

We are programmed to resist Change.

More often than not, we want to keep things the same. We do not want our loved ones to change because we want want to be the Somebody in their lives that know them inside out-we want to own them, make them ours forever.

But we all know good times don't last and changes are ineluctable. And then we contend, we defy, we fight.

We point fingers at each other, we say " You've changed", we say nasty things about each other, we stab each other's back. And at the end of the day, we all bleed to death- hearts thrashed at and drained of tears. And only at that moment, we stopped to think, we realised the importance of self-restrain and found out that words, once spoken, cannot be eaten back. "If only.." we say.....

I have a friend whom I feel is trapped. A new self, a concealed part that was undiscovered. The desire to discover more, to go beyond the boundaries and to embark on an adventure.

Adventure comes with a price- objection from the people who loves you, who wants to still know you inside out.

Are you ready to pay the price?

2009-07-12T15:49:00.002+08:00

TJ and Derek slept over at my house yesterday and I thought it will be a terrific idea for the three of us to go on a trip, out of Singapore after we have faithfully served our homeland.

And of course, TJ, being the most prudent serviceman amongst us, suggested that we should start saving $150 per month, so that after our jail term, we will have enough to go on a holiday.

He reckon that I should get an account book and manually record down my expenditures and savings so that I'll have a full understanding and clarity where my hard earned money spill to. I toyed with the idea and decided to take up his suggestion.

Anyway, it was only TJ and me talking about it. Derek was snoring away...but I'm pretty sure the trip will materialise. I have 20 months to save!

20 months to ORD. woots :D

2009-07-07T01:29:00.002+08:00

I did a silly thing today.

As I saw the train approaching, I stretched out my hand and flagged.

One thing I've learnt from my military life( perhaps the only thing that I will ever learn) is the ability to suck things up, no matter how bad the situation is. Pack my feelings and off I go. I've learnt that complaining isn't really a strategy and rather than sit in one corner and mull over the matter, its better that we get back on track, and see what good can we get from the wreck.

Unfortunately, Problems is unlike Sex- the longer you stay in it, the more miserable you get.
I'm also beginning to hone my ability to divert my attention from the bad, to the not so bad. You know, the phase, " Looking on the bright side of life?" I used to be very cynical about it ( I remembered having a classmate who always uses this line, and I would roll my eyes in disgust)and refused to allow it to infiltrate my life. But guess what, I'm currently, officially, using it as a form of motivation, chanting religiously, treating it almost like a Word of God, Mana from Heaven!

Times are though and I've come to terms with myself, 2 years, do it once ( not that I will have any more chances) do it well. It will be very sad if one doesn't have any form of tough times because that will be equated to someone inexperienced, weak in the mind and undoubtedly someone who will forever lead a mediocre life. That will be true because Success coexist with Hardwork( and maybe a little of Mr Luck).

I received a sms from a good friend today and it happened to be one of those chain smses that one receives a lot, especially during our secondary school days. Usually, I'll just you know, patronise the sms ( and the person who sent it) and maybe reply a " Thanks!". But this time, the sms really hit me and I felt it was worth mentioning it here. For the benefit of those unlucky people who do not have good F's like me ( LOL) here it is :

Friendship.

How does it break?

Both friends will think the other is busy and will not contact each other thinking it might be disturbing to the other party.

As time passes,both friends will think" let the other one contact me first"

After some time, each will think "why should I contact first?"

From here onwards, your friendship will be converted to hate....

Friendship are like gold, without polishing it, it becomes dull. Whereas, if you take care of it, it will shine like the brightest star.....

That's my heart speaking :) I cannot agree more.

2009-06-21T10:55:00.002+08:00

I woke up this morning,disheartened,grieved, perturbed. It's not a dream..it's for real..I'm posted to 3 SIR.

great.

It's a totally new environment,and being expected to behave like a trained soldier, I must be able to adapt to communal living without any sweat. But all of us must understand the composition of 3 SIR, after all, it targets at the standard batch, you know..people without much education. That concerns me because how can a Lion live with a Cat? ( okay I'm obviously the lion because I'm superior). you know? different social class? Okay, I shall not rant anymore....

I believe it's retribution. for all the bad deeds I've done that I'm being posted to this unit. urgh!
I'm in distress. and the bereavement is climbing. almost over flowing. soon.

I now feel inferior to my friends- who are either in OCS or SISPEC. They're commanders and I'm a man. They're drawing higher pay. They're lives ( this 2 years) will be filled with so much fun( im assuming this because they're mixing with people of their callable).

I'll feel out casted when I meet them. seriously. and I know I'll be bitter. very very bitter.

But...what can I do? appeal? HAHAHA * hysterically*

When my life gives me lemon, I make lemonade. ( Alternatively, you can sell the lemon, put those lemon into your sugar cane juice or squeeze some on your fish and chips)

2009-06-18T22:50:00.002+08:00

It has been a while, quite some time.

I've been thinking a lot these days, whether ( weather, as someone spelt) I've made the right choice. Moving away from something that I've accustomed to over the years is indeed an intimidating affair. Difficult, is definitely an understatement. Am I really " this type" ( as many will put it) of student? Will there be a cultural shock? Till today, I cannot subscribe to the idea of " choosing something that you like". I'm having a hard time, trying to convince my mind and soul that, that alone will suffice. Shouldn't earning me a rice bowl superior to my interest? Can interest secure me economically? socially? ( by that, I guess I mean social status)

Whatever the case, I guess there is no turning back now. Unless............................never mind, doubt I will do it. haha

I have a friend who recently mentioned ( indirectly) that he is ready to settle down. He feels he has the mental maturity to commit to a relationship that,supposedly, last forever. What he is lacking ( from his perspective) is money.

To me, it's an insane concept, something that I cannot and will not accept and will never ever comprehend- the idea of early marriage. I think it's a joke ( and it amuses me even more when he spelt out his intentions because from my opinion, he's a kid, totally). Without checking the dictionary, Marriage to me compasses an array of factors ( or to put it simply, things that are related to marriage) and that includes money, social life, education, parents approval, social background, housing, privacy, commitment, trust,friends.....yada yada yada.

So how would a teenager ( so that it doesn't seem I'm targeting him) at let say..16 years old, able to have a good grasp of all the factors? seriously?! seriously??!!

I'm zzzzz ( sorry for the lack of vocab)

i really want to LAUGH OUT LOUD. ( finally I can use "lol" in a proper context)

2009-06-06T22:55:00.000+08:00

My journey has just begun.

fun day with loved ones.

2009-05-31T01:20:00.001+08:00

As I was about to grab hold of the grey item on my desk, I realised that I have a Recruit's cut.

I'm falling apart.

I love my pokemon.

2009-05-01T12:03:00.003+08:00

I received 3 letters this week- 2 letters of acceptance from NTU and NUS and a letter of invitation to College day :)

I was enthralled when I saw the acceptance letter from NTU because the Pre-Reception left me with nothing more than trepidation and uncertainty- whether I'm able rise up to the occasion and meet the requirements, my command of English Language is oh-so not terrific and they're also looking for students with a certain vibe and zest in Mass Communications. Do I have what it takes? I asked myself. And is this really what I want to do for the rest of my life? Do " I like to write" suffice my intent to join the course? Or should I look deeper- job opportunities, pay, prestige? oh Lord.

Anyhow, I have till 1st june to decide so in the meantime, I'm not going to mull over it and will see how later :)

Guess what! I'm going Outfield next week again! 3 days living in the forest! This week in camp was pretty tough as I was put to test emotionally and physically. You know, sometimes, one just refuses to attempt because he know sand understands the meaning of " beyond your limits"?

I'm currently reading a new storybook entitled The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield-pretty interesting book with lots of vocabulary to pick up! and I'm Happy! new words :)

Tmr is going to be exciting! I'll have a party at my cousin's house thereafter I'm meeting my classmates at out newly found hang out place :)

PS: I came across ( with much intention) my ex-sch mate's blog and I really really need to comment on her (opps) posts- buck up on your english -_-

2009-04-26T13:40:00.002+08:00

I used to like rainy days when I was young because I could put on my boots and run in the direction of the wind. I imagined I was a horse, galloping towards the great plains...then I grew up and I couldn't do it anymore.

2009-04-18T13:13:00.000+08:00

yay! got shortlisted!

2009-04-17T17:16:00.005+08:00

i realised. I've gained weight. i dunno why.

Tomorrow is my Pre-Admission Reception at NTU and I'm kinda excited and of course it is accompanied by a certain level of fear. Maybe its because I feel I'm not updated with the current affairs and I'm not armed with figures and facts! What if they pop me a question on...say..the political situation in Indonesia and Thailand??!! or...the latest policies on research on Stem Cells in USA??!! Anyhow, I'm a frog in the well and there is nothing much I can do now ( other than read today's papers) so I'll brave the storm and charge forward!

Was blog hopping and read many of my classmates' post on their interviews! unfortunately, I've not received any letter from any of the Universities. Sigh. really bad feeling. Remembered my previous entry was on personal achievements and it's importance, reading it again is like rubbing salt to an open wound- the sizzling pain, my heart aches.

I'm just not good enough and I wonder if I'm really meant for such mediocre life?

Success? I'm dubious.

2009-04-10T22:07:00.002+08:00

"Do not be afraid of growing slowly but worry when you're standing still."
An apt message or rather personal punchline for my BMT phase.

As of this week, I've officially completed my PTP phase and will be going on to the BMT phase-where real training will begin.

Once again, I'm not allowed to disclose my training programme but deep down, just wanna let all of you know ( whoever reads this blog in my non-existent days) that I'm a bit apprehensive knowing that it will be a daunting experience.

Anyway, I failed my IPPT. yea loser eh? I'm still a zero fighter for my pull up and I cannot jump,like totally. Honestly, it's really a bad feeling. Everyone is improving, except me.
At that very moment,my heart cringed( no exaggeration) and the disappointment just welled up, uncontainable. Like chain reactions, my disappointment will crystallize into negativity and one should never underestimate the power of it- it kills, from inside out. One would become bitter and critical about everything they see and do. sigh. I need some success. Only personal glory can dispel the negativity.

Achievement in one's life is of paramount importance- it just spices up your life and cause your self esteem to escalate exponentially. Unfortunately and with must regret, till today, I have not experience such kind of feeling. They say, good things come to those who wait and I'm waiting. I hope IPPT will become one of those glorifying moments :)

On a lighter note, I've received an invitation to the Pre-Admission Reception for the Wee Kim Wee Sch of Mass Comm and Info. :) Mixed feelings I would say- excitement,trepidation...Hope it will turn out fine.

Dickson is incredible. All alone in China. What an opportunity!

Anyway. I'm shedding weight. yay!

2009-04-03T19:51:00.002+08:00

Hello civilisation.

It's been almost 3 weeks since I enlisted and a lot of changes have taken place, physically and emotionally.

But due to the interest of the nation and the issue of sensitivity, I'm not allowed to blog about anything regarding the Army.

Those that have seen me, will know that I'm blacken by the Tekong sun and I'm gonna get darker when more training comes.

I've lost weight. about 4kg. I'm like hovering at 73kg. my target weight is 65kg! so 8 more kg to go! woots!

2009-03-09T21:30:00.001+08:00

I still can't get over it, seriously. I think it's unfair to me because this time round, I worked extremely hard for it.

It's outrageous to say that Luck was not on my side and it's even more ludicrous ( I actually laughed) to suggest that "I didn't expect you to do so well."

I don't want my life to be shaped by the opinions of others. I don't wanna be Hot Water in a Cup and to have someone put a sachet of Tea Leaves into me and i become Green Tea ( pardon the inapt metaphor)

surrounded by good grades, is worst than allowing a rat sleep on my bed, like totally true.

I can feel and see that my future is bleak and for once, I believe that not all clouds have sliver linings.

Jacob has sought some solitude and managed to find some enlightenment. I'm still brooding over it.
I'm like a capsule, absorbing all the negativity I can find and hopefully I'll explode in Tekong.

2009-03-09T14:59:00.003+08:00

I hate people who feels that the ability to memorise and regurgitate is something " i also can"( apologise for the lack of vocabulary)

for the very last time. It's a skill. Not every1 can do it.

loser.

2009-03-09T14:28:00.003+08:00

Try : to attempt to do or accomplish

My world is currently revolving around this word. Try.

As simple as it sounds, to try, requires an enormous volmue of faith and courage.

Trying often means that you do not know of the results and usually involves something that is impossible. Thats why people ask you, to try.

I somehow feel that Try has a negative connotation.

4 days to enlistment :(

2009-03-07T00:22:00.002+08:00

I go to bed tonight thinking that all that happened today, was just a dream

when I open my eyes again, maybe things might change

once again, I do not have the power of choice.

and once again. I have to be despised.

And at the end of the day, I still do not know what went wrong?

I thought you said, "good things happen to those who wait?"

and sorry. I'm so jealous of your results because mine totally sucked.

2009-03-05T17:11:00.003+08:00

I think my previous entry was kinda misleading.
Jacob is my classmate. Jacob Hoo Tun Jiang. He shares affiliation with the Werewolf in Twilight.

One more day. 22 hours to be exact.

Once in a lifetime.

Life changing experience

:(

2009-03-04T22:08:00.003+08:00

I met a new friend. Jacob, cute name, but not so sure about the person.
Anyway, here's sth he wrote on his blog.

[分享]

"星期五就能知道成绩了，心里有些期待，又有些害怕。

总觉得拿了成绩，就会和同学们疏远。

知道了成绩后，大家都会有自己的目标，自己的理想。

进兵的进兵，做工的做工，见面的时间一定会便少"

sigh.

2 days left.

My heart is pounding madly

Its really very scary.

2009-03-03T18:45:00.001+08:00

woots. I played Wahjong on Viwawa the whole day.

Today was a good day to run, the air is crisp and there is a slight breeze after the thunderstorm.

I somehow feel I may not do as well as I think I would.

No A?

2009-03-02T14:51:00.001+08:00

6th March
2.30pm
Pioneer Junior College

My fate ;(

2009-03-02T00:25:00.001+08:00

I've realise that all the pictures uploaded to Blogspot is blurred. As in, there is an obvious drop in quality as compared to the ones viewed in my cam. Any1 knows the problem?

2009-03-01T23:32:00.009+08:00

I'm extremely tired. For the past days, I've been going out and returning only like late at night.

Friday

We had a 3E'05 gathering. I was taken aback by the turn out, which include long lost ( exaggerating) friends like Yew Wah, Chun Sern, Joel, Hish Ing, Amos, Ting Wei, Ceyu,Jia Hao.

Had a game of HOMOJALAY and not surprising that they were not at all enticed by the game's description. but well, they were so wrong because I'm sure many had great fun.

No pictures taken! Guess everyone was trying to catch up with each other and no1 cam-whored.

Saturday
Had a mini un-official farewell party for Dickson, who will be leaving for China and will be away for half a year. We kinda incurred nature's wrath and thus, our swimming plan was cancelled. This steamboat was very interesting because we brought the barang barang from Dickson's house to Mayfair. And our Barang Barang include things like pots, wok, sponge, detergent, knife...

Sunday
Met up with my cousins for dinner @ NUSS. According to my cousin, Germaine, NUSS=NUS, in plural form :D Food was fair but the seats are pretty uncomfortable. Went to Ben & Jerry's for dessert and had a mini discussion on teaching methods. I detest powerpoint :D

In 5 days time, I'll get back my results :) + :( = :/= that's how I feel.

2009-02-27T15:50:00.001+08:00

It will not work when people are not willingly to make sacrifices.

Its actually pretty clear. you know. where people's priorities are. like so obvious.

2009-02-26T12:20:00.001+08:00

There's a little animal in all of us and maybe that is something to celebrate.

Our animal instinct is what make us seek comfort,warmth,a pack to run with.

We may feel caged,we may feel trapped but still, as humans we can find ways to feel free.

We are, each other's keepers.

We are the guardians of our own humanity

and even though there is a beast inside all of us,what's sets us apart from animals is that we can feel, think and love and against all odds, againts all instincts, we evolve.

She said" maybe they don't understand what you go through"

hell right.

Home

2009-02-25T20:10:00.001+08:00

2009-02-25T19:45:00.004+08:00

I drove at 40km/h and i almost wet my pants. My instructor said I'm too tense and didn't allow me to drive the longer route. Anyway, I'm going to ask my brother to teach me or rather, let me practice.

My Taman jurong road is extremely deserted so I can practice on the road and I intend to do it like in the wee hours =x My brother is a night owl so the timing totally suit him.

And I'm seriously addicted to Grey's Anatomy. I might exhibit withdrawal symptoms soon,considering the fact that I'm completing Season 4 and Season 5 is only broadcasting in the States and the DVD is not out yet.

hmmm, next week is RESULTS DAY. woot. classmates! SEE THIS! 8 days!!

I've been pondering about ( or is it on?) my career pathway which directly affects the course I choose to read in Uni. ( erm, I'm trying to stay optimistic about my results, I mean you cannot mug your 2 years away and anticipate poor results right? )

Should I become a Teacher? with all due respect to my teachers, teaching is not glamorous, I feel. Having said that, I still can go into the leadership path right? become a principal maybe. haha

Should I become an Economist and have my name appear on Straits Times? HAHAHA I'll wanna join MAS.

Should I become a Pharmacist? design new drugs...Chemical X? and I'll breathe life to my power rangers!

Pink Ranger, or Kimberly, is missing!

Should I become a Marine Biologist? and find Loch Ness. woots!

Seriously?

Anyway, I kinda love Acoustic songs. and I feel kinda sucky cause I realise I do not have talents! I cannot sing, dance, play a musical instrument? urgh.

2009-02-24T23:20:00.002+08:00

had a crazy day in school and Sheep's house ( she's gonna kill me)

AWESOME. full of crap, violence, yay-ness, insidious moves, betrayal.

We had 3 rounds of HOMO-JAH-LAY. and that lasted like 3 hours?

the game is physically and mentally challenging. but it's super duper fun!

Tmr is my driving lesson =S and somehow, I'm not looking forward to it.

filled with trepidation.

oh yah. I cannot understand why would a 19-year-old still typed in such manner.
It's quite unbelievable! its so. 12-year-old.

and for goodness sake, I don't really know you, and don't speak to me in such condescending tone. It's inappropriate and it reflects your low EQ.

2009-02-23T19:18:00.005+08:00

Finally went to Marina Barrage yesterday! It was supposedly a class outing but it turn what. erm. 10 students in a class. yup Anyhow, we still had fun!

Minyi Yu Hui, Eugene and myself had a hard time trying to fly our kites. There was no wind. no draft. no nothing. But i got to salute gene and Yu hui for their tenacity. * LOL so exaggerating* but kudos to them lah, under the hot sun and after many attempts of throwing and running. haha

TJ taught us a game! erm. Initially it was known as HOMOLAGE. but somehow, it was the wrong name. BUT. we had soooo much fun. and the game is extremely addictive! As such, we're meeting again tmr! to play the game! heh ;)

I had a terrible day at school today! My Alma Mater is in deep trouble!

My crazy classmates!

2009-02-21T00:24:00.002+08:00

I'm eating maggie mee at 12.25am. urgh. and I've not been running for almost a month. FAT.

anyway. I came across this notion ( someone's msn nick) and he says

Love isn't there to make us happy, but to test how much we can endure.

That's a load of bull and incredibly pathetic. Sad life isn't?

the truth

2009-02-18T21:52:00.003+08:00

At the end of the day, when it comes down to it. all we really want is to be close to somebody.

So this thing where we all keep our distance and pretend we don't care about each other, it is usually a load of bull.

So we pick and choose who we wanna remain close to and once we have chosen those people,we tend to stick close by.

No matter how much we hurt them.

The people that are still with you at the end of the day, those are the ones worth keeping.

Familiarity may breed contempt, but sometimes, the invasion of that personal space is really what we need.

2009-02-18T17:49:00.002+08:00

seriously seriously. like i don't really like Wan sheng and chin soon ( my ex classmates) and God damn it. I have to see that Chin Soon this coming Sunday. Just too bad. I don't own the Marina Barrage.

and seriously, I don't wanna help you.

and seriously, you can either be the Chicken or the Pig. The Ham or the Egg.

Maybe what they say make absolute sense. Truth hurts. and I just got to have the tenacity to see through it.

It's not like they're going to live with me right? I'm not their " the other half" *ouch*

2009-02-18T13:37:00.002+08:00

useless.

Visited the Gym today. err didnt do much. was uncomfortable w new F's around. But it was nice to sweat a little.

the point is. I took cab home. and this fucking Comfort Taxi driver( an old man) was damn fucking. Actually, he is not very old. but he looks old. He almost killed me. and he didnt apologise. He e-brake leh! and i almost flew out and smashed into the windscreen. and for that. I will have to shoot my own Grey's Anatomy. and he didnt even apologise instead he blamed it on the traffic light.

His car plate no is SH7748M and i have lodged a complain. Hopes he loses the job. HAHAHA punishment for reckless driving asshole.

2009-02-17T23:15:00.002+08:00

went back to Coffee Nations again.

It was supposedly an outing of 7. but only 4 turn up. HAHA.

Anyway. so glad to see Pris and Tun Jiang. But Si en..errr. I've been seeing her. almost. like. forever.

We're going to Marina Barrage this sunday!!! yay!

I've run out of F's.

3 weeks to Army. Need to hang out more often!

2009-02-16T23:08:00.000+08:00

seriously. I don't even wanna talk about it.

urgh.

2009-02-16T08:36:00.002+08:00

My mum is such a loser,as if I've said. she put down other people's ideas just because she cannot get it.

seriously. she need to get a job and stop being a.... like. really.

oh yah, my mum's cousins are in town ( from M'sia) and one of them happens to be a *****.

Like totally spoil my mood. hope I wont meet them.

2009-02-15T21:27:00.002+08:00

a sudden realisation.

I say it's indulging in self-pity

She says its too much time

I think it's pretty clear.

awful truth.

Not really looking forward to my 1st Prac lesson. Urgh.

Grey's anatomy cast are so cool.

Do u wanna scrub in? :)

2009-02-14T23:20:00.002+08:00

It's like a deep well. and you're at the bottom of it.

its just another. group of people. it's a myth. superficial.

Next week is packed with S11 activities. shld spend more time with each other. 3 weeks to A's results.

you really dunno who's gonna jump off the building or slash their wrists. seriously.

4weeks to army and im waiting.

2009-02-13T11:14:00.000+08:00

sorry, i just wanna add that my mum is so ass.

she's so evil. seriously.

2009-02-13T11:10:00.002+08:00

My mother likes to act smart and recently found her long lost daughter by the name of Lety ( my maid)

Seriously, she's a maid. not a kin. Urgh. She's treating her as if she's blood-related. Oh cmon!

2009-02-12T16:26:00.002+08:00

Visited the dentist just a moment ago. Ouch,to my teeth and pocket.

On my way home, overheard the conversation of two primary school girls( presumably P5).
Girl 1 : Should i fold hearts and put it on his table?
Girl 2: *obviously jealous* patronised her and said no.
Girl 1: why?
Girl 2: Maybe you should write a love letter
Girl 1: ya hor! but i scared i get caught by my brother and mother
Girl 2: aiya.

After awhile...

Girl 1: Eh he reply me already!!!
Girl 2: Looks over, oblivious to her friend's excitement or in my opinion, raging hormones.
Then Girl 1 said sth that I didn't catch.

Girl 2: But he is in 5B1 leh, EM3 leh! okay lah, i getting off liao. bye

Maybe i was deprived. When I was in Primary school, the only thing that was constantly bugging my mind were only two things- 1: how to remove my excessive leg hair. 2: how to smuggle food just before i go for my "recess run" ( we have to run 8 rounds during our recess, yea, for those in TAF club)

gosh. the kids these days, hormones kicking in so early??!! I bet many of them are making out in the stairs or computer lab during their free time.

Talking about primary school, I really miss the food. I love the steamed Hotdogs *sound so wrong* and nuggets in chilli. WOOTS. But i only have 3 recesses in a week. 2 of which i spent on the field. URGH.

Oh and i remember those TAF sessions. ewwww. See, it's a sin to be fat.

anyway, every Wednesday, we have this Teeth brushing activity. that's gross too. brushing ur teeth w/o toothpaste, u can taste all your...errr. more often that not, I'll choke and puke.

clique no more.

2009-02-11T15:04:00.002+08:00

There's a serious problem. Tired of trying to be significant in every else's lives and in the midst of all the effort, let the idea of "self-identity" slipped my mind.

If I'm fake, all of you are faker.

4 weeks to Army. and i'm so looking forward to it.

People come and go. and I don't really give a fucking care. really.

2009-02-10T23:23:00.002+08:00

my eyes are tired.

Listening to some songs,extremely nostalgic. these are the songs that I listened to during my prep for A's. Those 180 bus ride nights from school back home. murky nights. The fear, excitement. I know I've said this before, but it's more than 2 months now.

If there's no relief tomorrow, I'm going out. getting some sun. staying at home all day is unhealthy.

4 weeks to Army but thankfully( ironically) I'm enlisting with ZR and YY.

I kinda lose faith in friends that. you know. They just won't understand. Maybe it was one-sided all these while. the clique exist because of obvious reasons.

On a lighter note, I'm glad I sent that sms.

2009-02-09T23:29:00.003+08:00

impending doom.

I don't know what course i should read.

I don't know if I can qualify

It's unfair. Poly students seem to have an easier route.

But we studied harder than them ;(

Urgh.

2009-02-09T22:12:00.002+08:00

not contented at all.

I'm reminded of what Theodore said" What a pity it is, that not everyone values the same memories even if they were once shared" I think the notion is so apt in describing my current feelings.

Oh, a lonely Valentines. Again. :D

2009-02-08T00:38:00.002+08:00

Suddenly, I feel like I'm 15 yrs old again. the same kind of resentment, self-pity, disappointment,vexed. It's as if all the emotions welled up inside a balloon.

I admit to everything. no more acting.

A very Honest Post

2009-02-06T10:37:00.004+08:00

I'm willful. the things that people frown upon, I like to be involved. The more they dislike the action, the more insistent I am over it.

I think it's more of a " hah, see what I'm capable of" rather than " I really want to do it"

I dislike it when people who don't really know me from inside out begin to judge me.

I once said I have a complicated life. and maybe I'm really building this brick wall. to test those who really are sincere abt being friends.

Isn't your life sad? she asked?

I thought about it. Am I? or is everything just pretence? to protect oneself?

Maybe a "strong front" is an appropriate expression.

Maybe I'm old enough. Maybe they see us as a separate family. Maybe it's our fault? Maybe I should grow up and leave, to live by myself. Maybe I don't need a family. Maybe I just need money. Maybe seeing others having a blissful family hurts. Maybe seeing others having their other halfs evoked sadness and disappointment. Maybe my life suck. Maybe I made it suck. Maybe I'm dwelling in self-pity. Maybe I really can be happy.Maybe I should stop all the acting.
Maybe I won't grow old and die just like Benjamin.

Maybe maybe.

2009-02-05T23:09:00.002+08:00

watched Benjamin Buttons. totally suck. It was so draggy and not enticing enough.

Dickson got his licence!

When can i get mine?

I lie to protect myself.

2009-02-04T22:59:00.002+08:00

So, have you finish studying?

Eh, when are you enlisting?

Oh, March 13th, currently waiting for results.

ohhh..

I think I've repeated phrase 3 like for a zillion times. every where i go, people wanna know, what I am doing, when i enlisting ( lalalala)

So i tell them.....the same old answer

5 weeks to army. fuck is the only word i can utter.

Experience is what you get when you doesn't get what you wanted.

Hardwork is like compound interest in banks, the rewards build faster.

2009-02-01T21:48:00.002+08:00

Two equally stubborn beings who never heard of conciliation, who don't have the skills to sort things out. Once the silence starts, nobody knows how to break it and it goes on and on, building up, gaining significance in its own rights long after the original disagreement slips out of sight..

You'll fine my footprints in the sand.

2009-01-29T22:21:00.001+08:00

This picture was taken @ Labrador Park.

Look at that Golden Retriever. so carefree. you should have seen it's face.

It so wanna breakaway.

2009-01-29T13:17:00.000+08:00

I was not well brought up. I have lousy parents.

2009-01-28T23:20:00.002+08:00

It's more than 2 months of holidays already. In about 6 weeks time, I'm going to slog for the Nation. How exciting.

In the past 2 months. I did nothing productive. All the goals that I wanted to accomplished whilst preparing for my A's have not materialise yet ( see si en, this is how you use it). urgh. I just wasted 2 months of my life away!

All my Poly friends are busying with their projects. My JC classmates( to start with, I don't have many cause I was pretty nasty to everyone. no choice. survival of the fittest :D) are working their heads off which I cannot comprehend why. I rarely go out with my Mum nowadays, as she is always hanging out with her husband. And to add on, she doesn't have a lot of money now, so there's not a lot of things we can go without money.

Money is almost everything.

Having said that. I sometimes dislike to be around people. like i need the space. shits. maybe i have mild autism.

2009-01-28T23:04:00.001+08:00

I'm desperate

the feeling is just not right.

it's forced. one sided.

I wanna break free.

2009-01-27T00:46:00.002+08:00

Unique CNY, felt very different. Maybe I've grown out of it.

I know it's time to widen the circle and I know I cannot depend on you.

you come in second, third,forth,fifth.

Roti Prata tmr.

2009-01-24T14:32:00.002+08:00

Pretence gives you room to get round obstacles without touching them, the space to observe that there are other sides to people, not just the abrasive, challenging attitude that you can't cope with.

"He always thought that there was something enthralling around the next corner but couldn't be bothered to make it far enough to find out"- Jess from The Language of Others.

Perhaps the past is comfortable because you know what happened. The uncertainty of the future makes it more alarming.

That's the way most people are- sometimes okay,sometimes not.

I fear chicken pox and my inconsiderate brother decided to move back home- and spread the virus to me. I had a vaccination and was called silly because they say the jab don't really work.

If you're gonna get it, you'll get it. They said.

Urgh!

I escaped to my granny's house @ Kallang and she was more than delighted to receive me with open arms ( I exaggerated). Nonetheless, she was happy.

My Granny's house has no computer, no Internet access, no SCV. I died. A stay there revealed my over-dependence on technology. I used to live with my Granny, ever since I was a child. At the age of 12, my mum decided to want me back( to her utter horror). Since then, I'll visit my granny once a week or so.

These 2 years was exceptional. A'levels were of course, more important than my Granny ( I hear protests). and I think she misses me a lot.HAHAHA.

I was determined not to allow the lack of access to Technology crumple my life. So I volunteered to help my Granny make Ngoh Hiang. Basically, it's minced meat wrapped in bean curd skin.

In fact, it's more than minced meat. The filling consists of prawns, chestnut, minced meat, shallots, grated carrot, spring onions and mushroom. The bead curd skin is cleaned and you just have to wrap the fillings with the skin like a popiah!

I've completed reading The Language of Others.

alrites, got to meet up with the girls! Celebrating TJ's birthday today!

2009-01-21T22:17:00.001+08:00

"There will be no more buts, because you believe in your gut that things are gonna turn out great"-Kitty from the Drama Brothers & Sisters.

i feel terrible, you know.

I miss the drama.

2009-01-21T01:39:00.001+08:00

Sometimes it's easier to butt into other people's lives then deal with our own.

2009-01-20T23:59:00.002+08:00

I can suggest that you visit IRC, Facebook or Friendster said my friend.

Went for Leslie's bdae party! love the steamboat, his mum cooks excellent soup :)
Slacked a bit and had a lot of fun discussing about Driving, Deliverance, Family matters :D
I wished we can have a PJ party and a sleepover, before I enlist in 7 weeks time ;(
I think I'll die in Army cause I'm scared of Ghost, Ants and Rats. :)

Went home alone today and I felt unhappy and empty albeit the cheers from Mobile TV( Obama's supporters)

Smsed my friend. same sentiments huh? sigh.

Happy Birthday Leslie :D

2009-01-18T23:56:00.002+08:00

"It's not a question of deserving.If we're friends, We're friends"-Mary from The Languages of Others

went shopping with TJ @ Marina Sq. I didn't buy anything. Nothing seems to catch my attention. Ah, maybe there are hidden reasons, who knows.

Maybe he is right, what do I know about such matters,issues that involve emotions, love.
But I sure know a lot about Money.

Maybe as his friend, I should support him. "whatever your decision, I'll support you", a cliched notion.

vexed.

Put others before self. that's rubbish isn't it?
Treat others the way you will want to be treated, this too. is meant for the bin.

2009-01-18T00:24:00.000+08:00

burp. Just came back from a Feast @ my Uncle's house.

2009-01-17T15:26:00.002+08:00

some Church Volunteer keeps coming to my house to do Visitation.

The first few times, I was kind enough to chat with them, you know, just entertaining them.
Then they asked for my number. Well, being EX-brothers in Christ, I gave them.

Then they started calling and sms-ing me.

Today, They wanted to come to my house again- to read me the Bible. (i know it's a bit wtf)
They'll share some sermon, read you some text. Urgh.
I've no time for Jesus right now. actually. Unless you asked him to drop me some money.
or should i go find Guan Yin Ma?

You see, Jesus and I see things differently. I believed we evolved from monkeys. and I'm definitely on Darwin's side.

2009-01-17T15:18:00.001+08:00

Life's a wreck.

There's nothing to keep me. you get what I mean?

2009-01-16T22:30:00.002+08:00

When I'm in Army, I'll get $200 monthly. Here's the breakdown.

$50- Be filial and give to my Mum
$50- Savings for driving lessons
$20- Transportation
$30-Food

$50- spare cash, which i think I'll spend on food or save up to buy DSLR.

Can I have my wage advanced? I kinda need the $ now. like now.

2009-01-16T09:50:00.002+08:00

i was shaking. crying for help.

I told her, I'll wake up at 4.50am, I'll use an hour to revise my macro and micro, at 5.50am, i'll bathe and at 6.50am, I'll leave house for my Econs Paper, and I know it's Paper 1( SBQ+ DRQ)

I entered into exam venue and wrote rubbish. I left the exam hall, and realised its Paper 2.
The examiners asked the candidates to kill themselves, by drinking a shot that will sear through your organs. I drank, and i died. When i woke up, I saw him. He died, but never woke up. My examiner told me that I got 24/50 for my Paper 1. I quickly text my Tutor, and tell her how dead I was.

And then I met her, We were eating Fish and Chips. And she told me I was having a dream and she vanished. I saw him. holding a gun, pointing at me. I shouted NO! and i woke up

Shaking and crying for help.

Urgh. i think I'm gonna screwed up Econs. shit. Suddenly, I'm so not looking forward to collect my results.

Going out soon, for some job interview. and maybe do some shopping in Vivo.

2009-01-15T13:15:00.001+08:00

Urgh! I have so many missing books!

Please return what you've borrowed from me

1. 5 people you meet in Heaven
2. For one more day
3. Tuesday with Morrie
4. Condor Heroes series
5. Harry Potter Book 1,2,6
6. Tipping Point

2009-01-14T20:25:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, Friendship is a 2 way thing.
Sometimes, Friends don't live up to your expectations.
Sometimes, Friends may not understand your needs
Sometimes, admit it. Their are other priorities in their lives.

You're just another insignificant person. Wake up.

I just had a chocolate muffin. *burp*

2009-01-14T15:05:00.002+08:00

Wanting isn't the same as loving- Emily, from The Pact.

Just finished reading this amazing book by Jodi Picoult.
I say it's amazing because it's filled with twists and turns and it brings you on an emotional roller coaster, allowing you to sink into the shoes of the characters.

At the end of the day, even after you put down the book, your mind is still engaged in it. Will Chris be sentenced to jail? Did he really pull the trigger? Was the relationship between Gus and Micheal appropriate-was it more of a physical need than an emotional one? Was Mel being fair to the Hartes? Was Gus being fair to James?

Along the way, I kinda answered all the questions, still, I'm not really convinced that Chris did not pulled the trigger. As much as I don't wish to see him in jail, given the much aches in his family, I still think he killed Emily.

And poor Emily, It didn't occur to me until the very end- why did she become suicidal. Alas, the truth was there, so real and raw that I think any one of us could have acted like what Emily did.

Picoult's books engages you. locked you down. It questions your beliefs and forces you to think. More often than not, it involves moral and ethics. and then, you're asked to make a decision. Whose side are you on?

I'm so gonna get all her books!

2009-01-13T16:50:00.002+08:00

My Story
A twist of fate was all it took

Leukaemia was the diagnosis made
So began the chemo drugs and hospital stays

Six months treatment or so they said..
But six months come and six months go
The promised sun has yet to shown

High dependency,surgical and ICU

Hospital wards,I've all been to
18 months later, I'm already free
BMT's over its back to school for me

But what bad thing? the "O" levels are near
How will i do?My dominant fear
The first step's the hardest, they always say

Boy, were they right, but i took it anyway

Strived and persevered all the way

L1R5 7 at the end of the day
This is my story ,every word is true

A little message from me to you

Pain and despair are not here to stay

Courage and faith will guide your way.

Quoted from Tham Shee Leng,
17 yrs old, Victoria Junior College.

Got this from my previous blog, hope it will be useful to people who come across it.

Anyway, I read all my old posts and I almost went Hysterical.

I cannot swallow the fact that i used to type LiKe dIs, aNdzz wRitE mY as moix, sIgH as HaIxxxx aNd wOrstxx oF alll, I uSed "Hehehexxx"

My older posts were filled with emo stuff and vulgarities and more often than not, I was cursing my teachers. Urgh. I'm overwhelmed. I better removed the site before any1 else still stumbles upon that blog.

2009-01-13T16:09:00.002+08:00

seriously. I hate Reunion. especially if they have to do it at my house.

There's nothing to Reunion about if at the end of the day, money is still lacking.

2009-01-12T23:18:00.002+08:00

Someone said: Truth hurts.

I hit reality, that there's no turning back.

and that's why I'm so upset.

2009-01-12T22:53:00.003+08:00

urgh. Heart filled with disdain and jealousy.

I want to whine and whine and whine and whine and whine.

I dislike the coming CNY for obvious reasons. I cannot buy NEW clothes, NEW shoes...and i feel so POOR. All i got was a new bed sheet? like why would i need that? My mum still says, New year mah..need new things. as if she will give me $ to buy new clothes.

I'm all sore. and I'm so gonna be a wet blanket.

I'm going to be childish and let emotions run my life so I'm NOT GOING TO bai nian.

Even if i am, I'll WEAR BLACK AND I"LL WEAR MY OLD CLOTHES.

anyway. all I'm interested in is the MONEY. As I've said, I'm not really an "auspicious" person and I don't really like to meet people and smile? Lest they give me money!

I need MONEY! I've so many material needs to be met!

2009-01-11T19:49:00.005+08:00

phew, came back from my run! ( to my classmates who are reading this, don't laugh, I know all of you have been doubtful of my commitment to lose weight. Still, I'll prove it to all of you. and someday, we'll compare our thighs and we'll see who's 1 is bigger)

Anyway. felt so GOOD! and i saw this J1 from my school while running wtf?! He 's 2nd Keng Siang okay! His face was used to be rounder than my butt, but when i saw him just now!!!!!! I'm so inspired!!)

And talking about Keng Siang,he's the new idol! He lost 40kg in 2 years! no pills, no medication, no starving,no anorexia. He ran 4.8km every night. Truly, he's a role model to many!

This morning,met Elite 4 for an outing in Science Centre. Went down to support Mr Darren Tan who was taking part in some Science Busking Competition. I like Mr Tan due to his love for Science. His zeal to teach and imparting Physics knowledge to his students struck me. Unfortunately, JC kids are usually more concern of the end result than the process of learning. His efforts to bring an element of "fun" to lectures is often to no avail. Kids just stare and doze off.

Next week is an exciting week. Gonna get a haircut, having reunion dinner( very early huh) gym, more running, more swimming and Ruo Ying is coming back from Japan!

CNY is coming. other than the many Ang pows I'm gonna receive, I'm so not looking forward to it. I'm not really an "auspicious" person. Kind words, i hate.

2009-01-10T23:27:00.013+08:00

Met Derek and TJ for dinner and did some shopping @ IKEA.

I love going out with my classmates, cause it is always so cheery!

Anyway, TJ agreed to put " Chin Soon has a fucking face" as his msn nick ( ahem, pls arh, he agrees to this phrase too and i have NOTHING to do with it.)

TJ is very weird, of all my classmates, he is the worst. Reason being- he doesn't have courage. He always bad mouthed CS behind his back * shakes head*

and he is weird because:

1. After dining at Macs, we were craving for some dessert so we went to some cafe in Anchor Point. As we walked into the Cafe, the cashier asked " Lai, yao chi tian ping mah?" ( actually, i feel its a rhetorical question, its just a sign of acknowledgment and they're not really wanting a reply" But guess what? as soon as the Auntie popped that question, TJ, using his thunderous voice, said YES! and for a moment, I thought the Auntie's eyes almost popped out.

2. wanted to try TJ's dessert however, while transferring from his bowl to my mouth, i spilled some on his hand. Instinctively, he licked the residue off his hand ( i used instinctively because I wanna sound as if I'm describing an animal) Derek and I rolled our eyes, Puzzled, TJ asked: What, you all never do this meh?"

3. He always have problems pronouncing words like Globet, Atom, Itinerary, Monopoly.

He is the weirdest friend you can ever have but I have no choice. His one of my few F's so no matter how weird he is, I'll still have to live by it. Only Death can separate the both of us!

On a personal note, I'll like to tell him that there is more than 1 tree in a forest. Keep looking.

And yah, here are the pictures I've promised

Taken @ Labrador Park- The Analeigh Wannabe

Okay all the pictures are taken by me using the school's DSLR, not very perfect cause I'm afterall still an amateur photographer.

Tyra Banks Inspired Photo.

I can't seem to upload the pics of me with YM,MICH,VAN and KY shall try again tmr. Thats all for now!

2009-01-10T10:13:00.001+08:00

the worst thing in my life: being born into the Chan Family.

why can't I have that kind of life?
My Oh-so-Glamorous days.

2009-01-09T09:43:00.002+08:00

I hate the National Library!

They want me to pay my fine!

It was THEIR FAULT for not reminding me to pay up my fines!

WHY SHLD I PAY???!!!!!

2009-01-08T22:14:00.002+08:00

She said she misses those studying days. So do I.

Just came home from JYSS SEC 1 Orientation Camp. For those of you who were unaware, I went back to my secondary school to help out- as a photographer.

Shan't comment too much on the camp itself, because after all, it's really nth much to update about. (get what i mean?)

But, I had some very good time catching up with my teachers. The same questions were asked : when is you enlistment date? How you felt about A's, What course would you like to read?

And i met most of my lower secondary teachers- Mr Chong, who taught me History, Mdm Mak and Mrs Ang who taught me Maths, Miss Chua- who taught me Music,Mr Dan Koh- My P.E teacher!

and of course, teachers who accompanied me thru my O's- Mrs Hon, Mrs Yeo, Mr Lim and Ye Lao Shi( though she nv taught me but she ALWAYS very nice to us) Mr Teo and Miss Wong.

Some of them say that I'm slimmer! YAY!

Many teachers left Juying already and the reason was pretty obvious- shall not elaborate much but if any JYSS teachers happen to read my blog, JIAYOU OKAY!

Had a very long chat with some of the teachers and Mrs Hon never fails to amaze us with more of her stories and theories in Life. And her stories are always so interesting! and there is always something to take away after conversing with her.

Surprisingly, some of the canteen vendors and juniors still recognise me! Frankly speaking, I cannot rmb all their names, but being NICE- i smiled and chatted.

I had some bad blood with some of the teachers and I was NEVER the role model despite being the HEADPREFECT! WOOT! cannot believe it right? But i guess I used to be hot tempered and quick to react and not to mention, emotionally complicated. what a term -_-"

On a lighter note, I went to Labrador Park today!
Did some shots with Ivy and the school's D70 is simply omgguanyinmafuggilingsibeichio.
URGH! I wanna buy the D90!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will upload those pictures,soon.

For now, I'm going to bed! getting a haircut tmr too!!

2009-01-06T21:59:00.005+08:00

yucks. Little Nyonya will not have a sequel. BOO.

Watched the news and our Acting Minister for Manpower, Minister Gan says that there will be more retrenchment! And this time it will hit the white collar workers! If you're unsure, white collar worker refers to a salaried professional or an educated worker who performs semi-professional office, administrative, and sales coordination tasks. Well, it doesn't really affect me directly, since my mum is not even working at the moment.

However, it only meant that people ( around us) will consume less. And this is true because when there is a loss of jobs= loss of wages=loss of disposable income=fall in purchasing power. And all these will result in a fall in level of Consumption which will lead to a fall in Aggregate Demand and via the Inverse multiplier, National Income falls- EG falls.

In addition, a fall in Consumption is often tailed closely by a fall in Investment and as all Econs students know, Investment is an extremely important component in LT EG.

So in the SR and LG, there'll be no EG= GG for everyone. and that includes me. and you, who is reading this post.

And that's why, tell your parents- don't fall into the Paradox of Thrift- spend your way out of recession, and this leads me to my second point.

Tadah! my fantasies.

Currently, I owned a DMC FZ 50, don't be mistaken, though it looks somewhat like a DSLR, it's nothing like a DSLR.

Firstly, it has only 10.1 mega pixels, which is much lesser as compared to any noob DSLR, which have at least 12.1. In addition, its shutter speed and lenses are no where near a DSLR. Oh yah, do you know that every time you open a JPEG file, its quality plunges? so start saving your pics in other formats!

And so, in order to spend our way OUT of this economic turmoil. I want to buy the following:

The D90 is a digital single lens reflex model announced by Nikon in Aug 2008. It is a "prosumer" model (cross between professional and consumer) meant as a replacement for the Nikon D80.

yay! I heard Mr Lee wants to buy this camera too!

okay. time to start saving! Because this camera( with relevant kit) cost $1299 and it will cost you another $400 to get the tele or macro lens( which are important).

lalala. SEE! if my mum got her bonus this year. THIS CAMERA WOULD HAVE ALRDY BEEN MINE!! * whines like a 3 yr old*

SEE LA SEE LA. angry lah.

but i'm gonna save. and till today. i have $10 in my piggy bank * cheers because it's an achievement*

Don't blame me. Blame the economist who came out with The Paradox of Thrift.

2009-01-06T16:16:00.002+08:00

She asked: Then why are you still so outgoing?

I thought for a moment. I was once emo. I said.

I hate him. useless retard.

On a lighter note, went back to school today and the security guard stopped us( me and 712)

Uncle: Why are you'll in such an attire? ( i was wearing Jeans and Tee)
Me: ????
Uncle: You're only considered an Old Boy ( what a term) until you collect your result?
Me: WTF? but fake a smile and thank and walk off.

Got my $150- 1/3 goes to my mum,1/3 goes to my driving and the last $50- I'll save. so that i can buy a DSLR next Christmas.

Got my 8GB memory card, but cannot find my camera's lens hood, which I lost @ Death Railway. The salesman said my camera is a very old model. and i was like -_-" thanks for telling me huh.

Wanted to start my journey of searching for my Identity but I was feeling hungry and dizzy and I do not have enough money to eat lunch and again, I dismissed the idea.

This is how POOR I AM. give me back my glamorous life. please.

whose fault? I think its my mum and that asshole.

2009-01-05T20:28:00.003+08:00

I weigh 74kg and I stand at 175m( yay! I'm taller than a 1.67m boy in my class, by the name of....)

Theoretically, I'm overweight.

So, I've decided- I'm gonna lose weight * cheers*

Going into Army in 2 months time and I better get myself into shape( round is not a shape) lest i die in Army.

I intend to lose a hefty 5kg in 2 months- so that I can tell people- I'm 60 plus. YAY!

maybe it's was her fault.
But let me warn you, over obsession is not good.

2009-01-05T17:32:00.001+08:00

I've a fucking useless father.

2009-01-04T23:17:00.003+08:00

maybe I was not well brought up.

And I know I have no manners.

And I know I have no respect for the elderly

And I know I do injustice to Mankind

And I know I hate this.

And I know I want everything to be perfect

And I know Some God once said "what you're going through, is for a reason"

But I know no reason.

And I cannot figure it out.

I know it may be such on the surface

But I ain't sure of the intention

And i know I'm gonna get my retribution some day.

And i Know and I Know, but do you?

Do you know of my achievements?

Do you know of the moments when I displayed moral courage?

Do you know of the times where I erupted with Joy and Laughter

Do you know of the times when I was compassionate?

Do you know that I care?

Do you know that I respect?

Do you know my dreams?

Do you know how I've planned my life.

Do you know that I actually ampathise?

Do you know that I love my friends?

Do you know that I feel empty at times.

Do you know that I'm like Metapod- waiting for the correct moment, @ lvl 10, where I can evolved into Butterfree?

But do you also know that that's the hardest, because, just like Metapod, Harden is the only skill.

Urgh.

2009-01-04T23:00:00.002+08:00

Just got back from Ivy's birthday party @ SP- nice cake ;D and had lots of fun catching up. I prefer small gatherings like this, moreover,YM, KY and Van are my sec sch hang out peeps, so the dinner was enjoyable.
And of course, many photo-taking sessions. Will get the photos from Ivy's blog.

Actually, I wanted to send KY home as it was alrdy late, but i don't know how to ask for her permission, so i dismissed the idea. urgh. I'm so not gallant.

This time, i felt the distance. Maybe, just maybe. could I have been overly sensitive? Or was a line alrdy drawn during that period of absence?

Can friendship be one sided?

Can relationship be one sided?

I'm 18 and I should start planning on the next lap of my life.
I'm 18 and I should stop behaving in this unreasonable and obnoxious way.
I'm 18 and I should have.....long ago. Has my time come? I asked.

At that instant, a shooting star lighted the sky- one which is always dark and mysterious. And I told myself, Hope is always there.

P.S: Hope you have a wonderful evening with us

2009-01-03T20:01:00.005+08:00

I'm extremely sad. I'm so overwhelmed.

David Archuleta- A little too not over you

my music player needs a revamp.

It felt so wrong, It felt so right....

Andrew needs a 8GB memory card

Take me where I've never been,
Help me on my feet again.
Show me that good things,come to those who wait.

'Cause if anyone can make me fall in love, You can.

yay! tmr is dinner with peeps to celebrate Ivy's birthday- though a bit harsh on pocket but i believed its worth it!

i can spell scissors!

I'm sad because I'm fat

2009-01-02T20:19:00.002+08:00

2nd day of 2009.

The year of : A'lvl results + Army= life changing experience.

Classmates came over my house to have steamboat. yes, steamboat again and We were discussing about Results Day, how on earth are we going to prepare our soul and mind,lest we have a Heart Attack upon seeing the results. One suggested to fly home right after collecting the result slip and only open it at home. That's nonsense.

We were also warned that if our results slip shows AAA, keep your mouth shut and pretend that your world is not collapsing due to the tremendous JOY and EXCITEMENT that has erupted from within. Stay calm, and smile to yourself if necessary.

One even say that she ( opps) will cry before she get the slip.

Me? I think i will just ripped open the slip and CRY- whether bad or good results-I think I'll just weep like Lao Si( or is it Lao Shi?)

I miss schooling. urgh.

2008-12-31T09:32:00.002+08:00

yay! finished watching Little Nyonya ytd night. The ending was pretty anti-climax and I felt it wasn't wrapped up properly. A lot of other characters were not accounted for, eg Mei Yu, Yi Dao,Zhen Zhu, Yu zhu.

But somehow, I'm still quite attached to the drama. It's like many years ago, when I went gaga over The Return of the Condor Heroes,He Ping De Tai Jia and Holland V.

I cannot wait for the sequel! I'm sure there will be!

and I miss Ou Xuan and Crush.

2008-12-31T00:01:00.003+08:00

Tmr is the last day of 2008!
And how has 2008 been for me?
Let me bring you down the memory lane (whether you like it or not) of 2008( its a bit sketchy):

There were additions to 08S11- Derek, Hudah, Jess, Cat and Shawn. And for some UNKNOWN reason, Hudah did'nt made a very good first impression ( as in, upon seeing her name, you get what i mean?) and luckily, I somehow know derek from my Bio classes, but still, we didnt really anticipate their arrival.

Somehow, things went well. We got along fine and they were quickly integrated into our 07S11 culture.

Had my very first success in Council, where Mrs Tan announced to the whole school that this year's orientation 1 was the BEST of all the 3 years she was in Pioneer. Kudos to the Council. We were praised again and again and people expected O2 to be better. But it didn't.

Had our first very major dispute in Council and I kinda loved every bit of it. Seriously, some people in Council are simple nonsense. It's as if their assholes are fixed at the wrong place.

The first 3 months of 2008 were Counciled.

Left church

Then, came the horror- the impending A's.

Had new tutors. some were extremely well liked, while SOME others did not have the same fate.

Cried in class.

Competition was on the rise and true colours were seen. Formed new cliques and that's when we started the habit of gossiping.

My mum lost her job.

More tests and assignments.

More emo talk from Principal, VP, Tutors-some really motivated me, but that didn't last long.

Got B for Mother Tongue and that shocked the whole world. B???!!!

Common Test results were.pretty okay. But i fail maths.

June Holidays came and I went to China for some Humanities Trip! Beautiful and enriching experience.

Then Mid Years came. screwed up. I failed maths, again.

Thoughts of giving up- going to poly, retain in J1.......but still. I continued

Promised to study hard for Prelims. and to pass Maths.

More study sessions. Made many friends that are worth to keep for life. They know who they are ;) be it from the same school, or different.

lost contact with secondary school friends, more misunderstandings, and we grew distant.

Stop going to my grandma's house, no contact with relatives. I went into hibernation and I CLAIMED i was studying.

studied. Studying. study.

More session at Macs.

Feel in Love with Crush by David.

More night Studying.

Feel in love with GP and the teacher.

More study sessions-in Macs, Lib,school

prelims came and i failed maths, once again.

Stressed over maths, Tutor scolded me. i gayly( no such word) broke down. I was at my wits' end. How? how to pass maths in 2 months time? how on Earth will i be able to do that!!!

Intense study. More night studying session. Misunderstand between classmates. broke into smaller groups. Everyone was our competition, even the best of friends.

More intense study session. Put on weight.

Hated GP, grew complacent and i spent lots of time with Maths and Chem.

Fell in love (more) with Crush by David.

Focused. A's a few weeks away. Late nights in school. the sweat, the oil, the heartbeat.
Constant encouragement from teachers. Still i had doubts.

reminisced the "fall asleep while studying feeling" where your pen will "skid" across your paper or your drool on your TYS.

Friendship grew and blossomed. We cared for each other.

A few days left. Stop going to school, cramped the last bit of info into brain. Worried. Cried. Panic. Fear. Faithless. Faithful. Friends. Hope. Joy. Relief.

A's came. i marched forward. Did my best for every paper and i still remember the sigh of relief after each paper.

Close brush with Death. Allowed me to understand and never to take my loved ones for granted. Matured. special mention: Ivy and T.J- I'll never forget. How important they meant to me.

A's were over. Flew to America. Had an exhilarating 11 days.

Yup, that was pretty much how i spent my 2008 and as you can see, its all about mugging.

and if you were to asked...what was the most unforgettable exp, it will definitely be the Death Railway thing. I think that was the breakthrough for me. seriously. Never to take people for granted and to appreciate you loved ones when possible.

how will 2009 be like? I ain't sure but anyhow, I'll marched forward with an iron will.

What come may, baby.

2008-12-30T23:54:00.002+08:00

I'm angry with myself.
I want to be a good boy

why? why do people insist that I'm spendthrift?

Why do people insist that I'm rude?

Why do people insist that I'm a spoilt brat?

Why do people insist that I'll get my karma?

maybe there is some truth in it?

Maybe I'm not angry, maybe I'm perplexed or perhaps agonised.
I'm still looking for the day where people will look beyond.

Beyond the superficial.
Beyond the portrayal.
Beyond the obvious.

and look deep within.

when will the day come? I'm waiting.

2008-12-30T23:40:00.004+08:00

Xin ku- the new-est all encompassing IN word!

We had a 6 pax steamboat but we bought food for 60 people and exceed the budget. sorry guys. This is my FIRST time planning and I'm as green and as horny as a cow ( green horn, but I cnt account for the cow).I assumed everyone is a glutton. I'm sorry. I'll not plan anything from now onwards. Good luck! *no tinge of sarcasm intended*

Nonetheless, we had fun, and I really want to mention Ciau Er, for keeping to her promise.
and to Shirley, we'll be anticipating your return.

Once again, they forced me to gossip. and that's ALWAYS the BEST part of ANY outing. seriously.

And because we had sooo much left over food, we're gonna have a meet up at my house this coming Friday! Looking forward to it. The smaller the group, the better! I'm not really into large gatherings. And maybe that's why i don't have a lot of F's. hah.

tmr is gonna be the last day of 2008!

2008-12-30T23:39:00.000+08:00

i want it so badly yet where's the courage?

when can i see you again?

2008-12-29T22:27:00.000+08:00

you pissed me off.

your tone. your know it all attitude.

2008-12-29T17:52:00.003+08:00

everyone thinks I'm a spoilt brat because I'm jobless now and is getting allowance from my mum.

You think that I'm too pampered and treat my parents as ATM machines.

You think I'm being unreasonable and all duke-like.

Still, I insist on staying at home. shake leg and stretch my hand to ask for $ despite my family's current financial issues.

Because i know I'm gonna be rich one day. and when that day comes.

I'll throw money at your face.